A Pause for a Heart-Ache

Last week I threw up a series of postings not thinking that they might be important to me. Instead, they solicited feedback that threw a hitch in my giddy-up.

The issue of personal holiness, (mine, not yours,) came to the fore with a crushing awareness of my inadequacy. And with it came an imperative of, "What are you going to do about this?"

I know I cannot change myself. I can be better behaved, but I have the heart of a predator in so many ways. Was I changed at salvation? Yes. Do I find peace in Him? Yes. Do I have massive shortcomings that impair my walk and witness for Christ? Absolutely.

As the old saying goes, "The Problem isn't really the problem." The problem, (my behavior,) isn't the issue so much as the issue is my desires regarding my behavior. There is a big part of me that still wants to be master of my own ship, Controller of My Own Destiny.

Sure, I always run back to Him after I've inevitably run my boat up on the rocks, but once the pain is gone my eyes begin casting about and my heart pulls against the leash...

Worst of all, for other issues I may know what to do but am unwilling to do it. In the past God has taken me past a ton of issues like that. This issue is different. I honestly don't know how to completely surrendar myself to Him. I've often wanted to, but then my heart begins pulling, again.

I love Jesus. I owe everything to Him. I've never understood this foolishness in my heart, but the issue is real and God has placed it squarely in front of me. Does this mean I was never truly saved? Am I missing a fundamental component of salvation? Or is this an issue particularly because He loves me and He is shaping me into a form more useful to Him. I care about this, (although I have to admit that at times I would almost rather that I didn't.)

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:21-25 NIV

Then the text starts into wonderful, wonderful Romans 8. I do understand why Paul said "wretched." I understand, a little better, that these things are worked out with "Fear and Trembling".

Stay tuned...