I grew up admiring three men that epitomized what I wanted to be in life:
My Father, My Grandfather, and... ...wait for it... ...John Wayne! Oh yeah!
I've learned the hard way that modeling myself after any man isn't necessarily the best way to follow Jesus. (There's enough material in that sentence for a series of ten posts, at least.) But today I just want to highlight one place where the John Wayne model breaks down.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
- Ephesians 5:25-27,
We've all heard preachers preach on this passage as they try to smack the guys back into line on occasion.
But, let's stop and think that one through for a minute:
"...just as Christ loved the church..."
When does Jesus love us?
When we reject Him?
When we follow false gods? (The Biblical model for this is "adultery"...)
When we break His heart?
When we walk away from Him?
Yes, yes, yes and yes!
When are we allowed to give up and walk way from a wife? Here's a self-test:
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she burns the dinner?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she disobeys the Word?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she no longer interests you?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she costs you a lot of money?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she has an affair?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she has
another affair?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she divorces you?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she dates other men?
[ ] Yes [ ] No When she enters an adulterous marriage?
When do you get to give up? (Isn't that how we look at it? "We
get to give up!" As if getting to go on to our
own adultery is a gift!).
A good place to start is to ask, "When should God give up on me?"
Note the following single passage from scripture and the order that it gives to these topics.
1) Forgive seven times seventy
2) Parable of the forgiven servant
3) Instructions on forgiveness
4) Instructions on divorce
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents [millions of dollars] was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
“The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. [a few dollars dollars] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriagec because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
- Matthew 18:21-19:12
If you think that your wife has done so much that she cannot be forgiven, then maybe you don't understand exactly how much you've had forgiven.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
- Ephesians 5:25-27,
It really isn't that complicated. It's very simple. And it's an impossible task if you don't have God's help.
